were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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