I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm passing your future prison.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
