I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize