I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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