i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
