Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
