I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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