i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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