I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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