Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
