She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize