The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
