i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
