it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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