God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
