so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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