I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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