one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
