Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
