he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
