Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
farters have to be the big spoon...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
