Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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