and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
