Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
