My room smells like vodka and shame
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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