I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
