woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
