Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
