I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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