i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
