Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
