My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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