So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
