So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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