she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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