She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
