Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
