His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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