and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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