I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
