You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
