I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish you could order shots online.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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