Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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