If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i think i just lost a toe
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
