I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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