i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
