you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
