Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
