I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
