I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's never too late to be topless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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