Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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