C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
