I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
