..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
