Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
