I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
