He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
