They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
