If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
