I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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