I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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