You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
