He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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