is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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