Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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