i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
