yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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