Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
